I recently came across a commencement address by Charlie Munger (the vice-chairman of Berkshire Hathaway) in which he referenced a commencement address by the late Johnny Carson and which he, Munger, expanded on.
Carson said in his address that he couldn’t tell the graduates how to find happiness in life, but he could tell them, from personal experience, how to find misery. His prescription was 1) ingest chemicals in an effort to alter mood or perception, 2) be envious, and 3) harbor resentment. I think it’s fairly obvious how those three things, if practiced regularly, can lead to misery.
I find his list interesting in that one of those is not like the other two. Ingesting chemicals at least provides some temporary, immediate benefit (while recognizing the long-term harm), but how does being envious or harboring resentment make one feel better? Those two things makes one feel worse. So while all three will guarantee long-term misery, the last two provide immediate misery.
To those three, Munger added four of his own: 1) be unreliable, 2) learn everything you possibly can only from your own experiences, 3) go down and stay down when you get your first, second, or third severe reversal in the battle of life, and 4) ignore the story of the rustic who said “I wish I knew where I was going to die because then I would never go there.”
Now obviously, normal people are not interested in a prescription for misery. Carson and Munger were simply presenting their solution backwards, that is, explaining how to create happiness by presenting behaviors that will create non-happiness, or misery.
It is a method made popular by the German mathematician Carl Jacobi, whose maxim was “Invert. Always invert.” While Jacobi applied it to mathematical problems he was working on, it can be used by anybody for almost anything.
For example, if you were interested in having a great relationship with your spouse, you could start by making a list of what you could do to make it a terrible relationship. Such a list could include never complimenting, constantly flirting with others, cheating, never discussing your hopes and dreams together, not sharing chores, etc. By doing the opposite of everything on that list, you could establish the foundation of a very rewarding relationship.
That system can work for just about any area of your life you can think of: parenting, job, academic, avocation. Think of all the ways to be terrible at it, then just do the opposite.
So in conclusion, while Carson said that he couldn’t provide the formula for happiness, I think a pretty good starting point is this: Don’t do stupid shit.