With the possible exception of “I’m sorry,” “I don’t know” might be the hardest words to say. No one wants to come off as incompetent, so when we are confronted with a question we feel we should know, we sometimes offer an answer that we are not 100% certain is correct. Many (most?) of us have been in that situation; it’s very uncomfortable and rarely ends well. The fact is we could have avoided the situation entirely with three simple words – I don’t know.
For some reason, those three words are difficult to say. They are even more difficult if the question pertains to a subject in which we have a modicum of expertise. For example, a police officer being cross examined about ballistics may find the words difficult to say for fear of losing credibility. But it’s certainly possible that he may lose more credibility by offering a wrong answer than by simply stating that he doesn’t know.
And it’s the same with all of us. Offering a wrong answer can be much more damaging than admitting we don’t know. Perhaps the biggest downside to offering an answer we’re not certain of is our natural inclination to defend that answer. Defending a wrong answer or position will inevitably make the situation worse.
There are several ways to avoid that embarrassing situation, but not all of them are appropriate for all scenarios. The one that is almost always appropriate is to just add four words; “I don’t know, but I’ll find out.” The rest of the answers depend on who is asking the question. It is possible that a boss, a colleague and a subordinate would receive different responses to the same question.
Regardless of who asks the question, an answer that is honest and sincere will seldom cause problems. Unless you’re unprepared. All the honesty and sincerity in the world doesn’t excuse being unprepared. But it’s still better to admit you’re unprepared than to try to fake like you’re not.
I learned that lesson the hard way. When I was in the Marine Corps, I was assigned to a new computer our unit had just obtained. I was supposed to learn it top to bottom so that I could teach it to others. A Major in my unit sat in on my class and asked a question that I should have known the answer to but didn’t. But rather than admit it, I tried to fake it. Unfortunately for me, he knew the answer and could tell that I didn’t. The verbal lashing he gave me isn’t fit to print, but suffice to say I am much more inclined these days to admit when I don’t know something.
Saying “I don’t know” is hard, but by doing so, we might avoid this.