Courage is commonly considered a desirable characteristic. Winston Churchill said, “Courage is the first of the human qualities, because it is the quality that guarantees all others.”
Cowardice is just as commonly presumed to be its opposite. The great 20th century American psychologist Rollo May, however, said the opposite of courage isn’t cowardice, but rather conformity.
It makes sense when you think about it. It requires courage to be an individualist, but it takes absolutely no courage to conform, to go along with the crowd.
It begins early, with our need to belong. One of the deepest cravings of young people (and many older people as well) is to be liked and accepted by their peers. To achieve that, they conform, in the way they talk, dress and act. And that’s fine, most of us did it as teenagers, because to do otherwise could risk ridicule and ostracism.
But as we mature, we must leave that behavior behind if we are to grow as persons. In Death of a Salesman, Willie Loman said “The important thing is to be liked.” He had no identity of his own, so he had to seek the acceptance and appreciation of others.
Self-acceptance is a mark of maturity, and that takes courage. It’s always easier to go along with the gang, but that path may not take us where we want to go.
In planning our financial future, 8-10% returns will get us there a lot quicker than 4-6% returns, so we naturally focus on the larger returns. Deliberately allocating a portion of our investable assets to lower yielding life insurance takes courage. It’s not what the majority is doing, so we risk ridicule, or at least good-natured ribbing.
Doing the right thing takes courage, be it sticking to a diet or exercise program, cold calling that individual who could help advance our career, or speaking up for someone who has been wronged. It is difficult, which is why we admire those who can do it.
As we mature, we understand that ridicule cannot hurt us, but that doesn’t make the prospect of incurring it any less intimidating. The fact that we understand something intellectually doesn’t necessarily make it any easier for us emotionally.
I’ll close with another quote from Churchill. “Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak and also what it takes to sit down and listen.”
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